Thoughts On Going Home

I’m going home for the summer, back to Seattle. So many conflicted feelings are co-existing at the moment. I have just two weeks left before my plane leaves and it doesn’t feel quite real yet. Most of all, I’m so sad to leave my boyfriend behind. He’s been denied for a tourist visa to the States, for no particular reason other than being a non-rich Guatemalan, so he can’t join me. I’m going home to work, save money, and see my family. I’ve been gone for a year and a half; savings are gone and it’s important to me to spend concentrated time with my family if I’m going to be living outside the States indefinitely.

The plan is to go home, get a serving job on the Waterfront at a fine-dining place, live like a pauper, and save as much money as possible. I’ll still be maintaining my online work so I really won’t even have time to spend money. I’ll stay with my brother. I have a round trip ticket, so it’s a defined amount of time: three and a half months.

On one hand, I am really looking forward to being back in Seattle. Seattle in the summer time is gorgeous and heavenly; truly one of the best places in the world to be for that season. It’s light until 9 or 10pm, everyone is in a celebratory mode, there’s so much going on; the city really comes alive for those 3 months. And the Puget Sound, and all the greenery surrounding it, is incredibly breathtaking.

It will be so good to spend time with nephew, just 9 months-old. I really want him to know who I am. My parents and sister really miss me. My brother, who has plans to leave the country next fall and join me down south, needs the inspiration and motivation of my experience. He has a hard time keeping his eye on the prize. There are really good friendships I want to keep alive, which is hard to do over Facebook and email.

So all-in-all, it feels really important and necessary to go home.

But, Christ, is it hard to leave. My boyfriend and I have really built a life together, and in no way will that stop or change, but I just don’t want to leave without him. We’re giving up the apartment we have. So we’ll be packing up our things. Which feels super weird. Allan’s going to rent a room at my “Guatemalan Mom” ‘s house, which I feel good about. He’ll be able to spend less on rent, and he won’t be all alone. Someone will make sure he eats.

I don’t really feel like I’ll miss Antigua itself. Sure, it has its charm, but we’re planning on moving on after the New Year, and we’re both pretty done with the place. Of course, there are people I’ll miss. But everyone is always coming and going here, so you get used to it.

The other really important thing about going home and saving money, is that it will enable Allan and I to actually move on and accomplish our goals. It is so bloody hard to make a decent living here. As much as I hate to leave him for 3 months, I have the opportunity to go up there and make some money and come back. Hundreds of thousands of Central and South Americans and Mexicans fight and die for that chance. I can do it legally. I’m doing this for us. I just wish he could go with me.

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